Working at Geek

Lately I’ve felt some guilt about not being “geeky” enough or doing my duty to keep up with the geeky universe. It’s this gnawing feeling that just won’t go away. The more I think about it, the worse it becomes, the more guilty I feel and the more I try to pinpoint exactly where this feeling of guilt is coming from ; especially since being a geek isn’t supposed to be work. Being a geek means being who you are and doing what you love but lately it feels as if we’ve slipped away from that. Lately it feels like we’re in a race to out geek one another and it’s starting to take its toll on me.

Geek used to mean simply doing what you loved and having a passion for it. These were things that weren’t mainstream but rather misunderstood passions that meant something to those who engaged in those activities. I remember hanging out in the basement playing D&D with mounds of snacks and Mountain Dew, enough to keep us going until that damn dungeon was conquered or the GM just smited us to show who was really in power. I went LARPing on the college campus grounds, running around pretending to be a werewolf engaging in heated battles that would peek so furiously we had to drop character before it came to actual fists being thrown. When I moved to Japan I sold my car so I could have enough disposal cash to purchase a Playstation 2 (not yet out in America) and as many games as I could afford; and I did just that, cramming my tiny apartment with every game I could get my hands on including all the collectables and special editions I could ship home. I remember just gathering a group of people together and playing Bass Fishing until the sun came up and we were happy, we were content, we just were geeks.

Recently geek has become so mainstream that I wonder what it really means to be a geek anymore. With social media and information available to use at the touch of a button we can find anything we want and profess to be passionate in areas that we otherwise wouldn’t have access to or even think about. Now, I confess to my fair share of internet trolling for information but I’ve never just picked up a new aspect of “geek” by it.

Money also seems to driving force behind being a geek. I fall victim to this myself. I just recently paid 3x retail for a Monster High doll because I couldn’t find her in the stores and absolutely craved to have her. I have this thing for zombies and she’s so cute that I wanted her for my desk at work. My husband just stared blankly at me when I told him how much I paid for a “fashion doll”. It’s just hard to explain the affinity I feel with her personality… strange but after all, I’m geeky that way.

The thing is, I feel like I just can’t keep up anymore. There’s so much information that comes through my Twitter stream on a daily basis that I feel so small and insignificant in my own capacity to be a geek. I am a geek…I know it. Maybe I’m just too old to keep up with the younger geeks or maybe I’m just feeling the tides of change coming in and I’m having a hard time adjusting to it.

Then again, maybe I’m just old and it’s such an integrated part of my life that I don’t even think about being a geek. As I tell my kids, you need to live your life without worrying about what other people think and live for your passions and what makes you happy and if that falls into the realm of geekhood so be it!