However, I can't turn off being a researcher. It may not always show but my brain is always whirling with the wonderment of meaning and connections. I have to make a conscious effort to turn it off which I honestly don't do very often. I carry a notebook with me at all times to jot thoughts down because they are many and fleeting. I'm constantly buying notebooks (it's become as much as an obsession and love for research as anything else) knowing I'll eventually fill the blank pages. My biggest problem is that I'm a perfectionist and sometimes I just write stuff on post it notes or scraps of paper so I can organize it perfectly later. That hurts me as I often end of losing those notes. Sometimes it's okay to let go (perfectionism...another topic for another day). If you want to be my best friend, buy me some awesome notebooks and I'll love you for life.
I remember when the movie Silent Hill came out. I went to the theater with a bunch of PhD students in Anthropology to watch it. Not only was it a joy to be at the theater on an opening night with so many friends but also made me downright giddy watching a movie for my all-time favorite video game series. I loved the movie (and series) so much that I bought a prop from the movie; a small thing but it holds so much meaning to me. While I loved the movie, my favorite part of the entire night was as we all stood outside the theater talking. We stepped out into the cool night, an appropriately it was raining. Everyone turned to me and said, "Well, what did you think?" I couldn't help but gush with my thoughts on the movie, the cultural connections to Japanese and American culture and the overall theories I had as it related to larger issues of violence and media. It was the same feeling I had when I went and saw Hostel. The concept of "justified violence" rolled around my head and took hold so strong I thought I would explode. This time though, I wasn't with a group of academics and the party I was with didn't quiet share my enthusiasm or get the constant bubble of brain activity spewing out of my mouth. Such is life and I've learned to deal with it since then by writing, a lot...
I'm not entirely sure how my husband puts up with me. God love him. I talk and talk and talk at him trying to bounce ideas off him or to see if a particular train of thought makes sense. He usually looks at me blankly - he never lies though, he'll tell me that he doesn't understand but it sounds good. I've increasingly become more withdrawn into my brain and research. He'll talk to me and I just don't listen. I've become good at just nodding and agreeing because my brain is 500 miles away from the actual conversation. I need to get grounded though...the research will always be there to focus on. Too bad I don't have a shut-down switch for the research part of my brain. Of course, it's become such an ingrained part of who I am I fear if I shut that down I would completely blink out.
I think I'm beginning to understand how he feels though. The other day he talked to me about his NET+ training and about the difference of iPV4 vs iPV6 and the conversion to hexidecimals. My eyes glazed over and all I could think to say back to him was, "Soooo, basically the internet is run by magical little gnomes that are really good at math." He was miffed at me because he thought I wasn't listening (but I was... I really was). The worst he's done to me is tell me that if I could study video games in anthropology then he could study the culture of dust bunnies. We still jab at each other over dust bunnies and gnomes. I guess this is what happens when you can't ever turn your mind off... you do go stupid sometimes. :)
Image from Deviant Odd13
